Raw Review 12/30/2013

Hola Otaku-Faithful and welcome to yet another installment of our weekly RAW review. This is the third fifth installment so you guys know the drill, lets get right into it

 

Punk Promo

-PUNKS FIRED UP

-WOW PUNK IS A GUY JUST LIKE ME… EXCEPT RICH… and doing what I wish I could do for a living… this comparison isn’t really holding up anymore



-Yup your year was 2011/2012

-HABEEB IN THA SHEBD

-TIME FOR JUSTICE

-please Dean muh respek for US Title, Why you throw?

-wwe.com where is my WWE Universe Zodiac

-Dean please go we all know Rollins is the best

-CM Punk please stahp muh JUSTICE

-TIME FOR BRAD MADDOX



-BRAD MADDOX KNOWS WHATS UP

CM Punk vs Seth Rollins

-Sweet throwback yellow trunks on Punk



-I hope they keep Shield break up on the slow burn like they’ve been on, commentary makes this sentiment seem unlikely

-Shut Up MAGGEL

-Dean wielding the US Belt MNM Style



-TWITTER TWITTER TWITTER TWITTER TWITTER TWITTER



-Seth Rollins has been having some great matches recently, I hope they push him hard coming out of the Shield

-I’m hoping Rollins just barely pulls out the win so all can remain JUSTICE with the world

-DAT SEQUENCE



-RORRINSU BOMBU

-Shield’s greatest strength is their use of facial expressions its high tier

-CONTINUITY! Rollins finally learns how to dodge that Roundhouse after getting hit with it every night

-Wasn’t a fan of that sell on the clothesline

-All dose facial expressions

-Dat Pack Mentality

-Dat JBL being a two-faced git



-I never got the cross body roll through counter, wouldn’t it still hurt?

-SHIELD PLEASE NO

-SHIELD PLEASE

-This isn’t good guys, who will enforce my JUSTICE without Shield

-;_;

AUTHORITAH and Daniel Bryan Segment

-Brad Maddox making all these PPV tier matches

-I am impressed too Stephanie Mcmahon

-Steph if this is anything other than “The Royal Rumble” you’re wrong, objectively wrong. The main event of The Royal Rumble is The Royal Rumble

Steph Announces The Royal Rumble

-Thank you Dear Leaders of WWE Authority, you have never been wrong and are worth of all praise



-A montage FOR THE KING \__O____/

-THANK YOU BASED RANDALL

-LOOKS LIKE JOHN CENA IS CASHING IN HIS JOHN CENA IN THE BANK FOR ANOTHER TITLE MATCH. WHAT A SURPRISE



-Also, Steph was wrong, Main Event is The Royal Rumble

BNAO BNAO BANANANANANA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH I WERK ALONE

Steph Walking in Hallway

-implying Randy Orton vs John Cena #289387389287329938 is a big announcement

-Time for HHH to GO OVER

Curtis Axel vs Dolph Ziggler

-Curtis Axel please get off my TV until you learn how to cut a promo

-Ziggler please don’t become Kofi 2.0 Mid-card Jobber for life

-PLEASE THIS PROMO IS GOOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING WWE

-INSTAGRAM INSTAGRAM INSTAGRAM INSTAGRAM INSTAGRAM INSTAGRAM

-I don’t have high hopes for this match

-Axel isn’t even that bad in the ring, its just I don’t care at all about him, he has given me no reason to

-RK- errrrrr ZIGZAG OUTTA NOWHERE

-hopefully this is a sign of an upturn for Ziggler

-that was a great match but I wish I had been invested in it

OBLIGATORY WWE APP SEGMENT

-WWE APP WWE APP WWE APP WWE APP WWE APP WWE APP WWE APP

BIG E vs FAAAAAAAAHHHHHNDAAAAAAAAHNNNNNGGOOOOOOOOOH

-Summer Rae please

-This is one of those matches where I would be more hype if I hadn’t already seen it a couple times

-Gosh Dang Big E moves really well for a guy his size



-SUMMER PLEASE STAHP

-OHHHR INDIAN DEATHLOCK, I always loved this move glad to see it being used

-This mat wrestling

-muh obligatory mentioning Anderson Silva’s mangled leg

-THREE AIN’T ENUFF MAN I NEED FIVE

Booker T and PTP

-I feel like this segment may be a little racist

-SPINAROONI!

-BAD NEWS BARRAH

-NO SPINAROONI 4 U

-2deep4me Wade

-2muchtruth4me Wade



-No Spinarooni4me

Sandow and QT3.16 Renee

-Sandow laying down some truth

-SANDOW PLEASE DON’T GO

Sandow vs THE GRAN KHALIL

-Oh god this is gunna be really bad isn’t it

-Why is Khali still employed he’s in such bad shape right now

-VICIOUS SANDOW TIME

-Shut Up Maggel

-Am I bad person for thinking the Miz would have been a better choice than Khali…

-WE STILL HAVE SANDOW!

R-Truth vs THE MAIN EVENT PLAYA

-Eh this seems like filler

-I like how Woods actually pays attention to the match during commentary, Michael and King should take notes

-Monster Brodus should be good

-I think the slower methodical psychology works better for Brodus vs the fast dance-y squashes

-Woods putting Brodus over despite him being a heel, commentary should take notes

-TIME TO DANCE

TRIPLE H ANNOUNCEMENT

-ON YOUR KNEES DOG

-TIME TO WELCOME BACK BATIS-

-I guess this makes sense, Triple H puts bad blood with Orton Aside, he can do it with Bork too

-Its best for business

-PAUL HEYMAN PROMO TIME

-I like that Bork Shirt

-BORK WANT WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

-BORK SMASH FOR WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

-WOAH HEY WOAH HEY

-OH SNAP this is like Godzilla vs King Kong

-IBDS HABBENID

-those screams are terrifying

-F5 WITH THE GREATEST OF EASE

-Well that made all the terrible stuff I just waded through worth it

Divas Match

-Thank goodness that's over

More Authoritah and Brad Maddox

-THANK YOU BASED BRAD

-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Daniel Bryan vs Wyatt Family Gauntlet Match

-Eh I'm not as hype for this match as I should be, should be good though

-DEA-

-This should be a great match as I've said I enjoy big vs little guy match-ups

-THAT CHAIN OF SUBMISSIONS

-YEAHYEAHYEAH

-I like that Gator Roll

-FIGHTING SPIRITUUUU

-NOPE

-Zack Ryder Sign Sighting

-FIGHTING SPIRITU PART 2 ELECTRIC BUGALOO

-YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

-WOAH DAT BOMB

-YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES Lock

-DAT BOOT

-BUSAIKU KNEE KICK

-ROUND 2 START

-Rowan please don't kill the Daniel

-DAT PANCAKE

-LOLROLLUP

-ROUND 3 BRAY WYATT WE COMMIN FO' YOU

-NO LEAVE THE DANIEL TO ME

-Bray's tattoos always make me think he's bleeding

-2SPOOKY4ME

-THAT COWARD BRAY WYATT

-That could have had a cooler finish in my opinion, but I guess its fair considering 3 on 1

-DOUBLE DOOZLE

-2SPOOKY4ME

-I like this promo

-BRYAN PLEASE NO

-NOT THIS WAY

Jerry's Final Thoughts

-Lackluster RAW, I was hoping for more for the last show of the year

-Highlights for me include Punk vs Rollins, The Opening Promo, The Gauntlet Match, Brad Maddox being a scummy brown nose, Bork Laser return/Pterodactyl Calls, and Bad News Barrett

-Low Points just about everything else, Khali vs Sandow Divas match, Brodus vs Truth

-Honorable Mention Axel vs Ziggler was a technically great match but there was no reason to care about it

-Sign of the Night: "I CU 2 Much"

-All in all a very middling RAW you'd be better off watching the RAW Rebound on Smackdown which has been amazing the past few weeks.

So I just got my Xbone 720 tonight and after slaving away to set it up in time for RAW I find out Digital Audio doesn't work through the XBone. Worry not though, I have plugged headphones into my cable box like a peasant so I can watch RAW and present you this review. This is going to be really informal, just stream of consciousness.

-Punk vs Authoritah Segment

Punk sounds deflated, crowd isn't hype for this promo at all

Anti-authority talk seems to get fans hyped for ME push for Punk

Kane is awesome in every position he's in

TIME FOR JUSTICE

I hope they book this Handicap match well. On the one hand I want Punk to be kept strong, but I also feel like Shield needs to be protected as well. At least long enough for Shield vs Wyatts

-Undisputed World Champion

If you picked anything else you're wrong

-Sandow vs Ziggler

Big E on commentary should be nice. I also really like Big E's shirts, I need to find out where he gets them.

This match shouldn't be happening for the third week in a row

Would be a lot better if I hadn't already seen it twice

Oh god don't make Ziggler into Kofi2.0

at least they kept it short and sweet

Big E vs Damien Sandow

-Diva's Snack Break/Intermission

-BAD NEWS BARRET

-Daniel Bryan vs Erik Rowan

Remember when the Wyatts kidnapped Kane and he returned as a member of the Authoritah.

I love big vs little man matches, I also love Daniel Bryan. Rowan has to mess up pretty badly to ruin this for me.

I like that bearhug looks nasty. Rowan is doing an amazing job at being a monster.

God, is Michael reciting poetry? SHADDAP MAHGGEL

FIGHTING SPIRITU

YES YES YES YES YES

LOL ROLLUP

DE

This match was everything it needed to be no more no less. More RAW matches should strive for this happy medium.

-Bray Wyatt Promo

They should just let him cut promos, he sucks the air out of crowds in matches but these promos are great.

I want the The League of Excessively Bearded Gentlemen Stable

-Pet Cabaret Commercial

For anyone living in the Boston Area these are terrifying

-Dbry and Kane Meet

Basically same situation as the Shield vs Punk. Both need to be kept strong, hope they're smart enough to do it

-Truth and Consequ... Err Truth and Woods? Vs Tons of Funk

Brodus' Back Fins continue to grow

These two teams are both deceptively good and mesh up against each other well

Commentary continues to be awful and burying talent

HONORS ROLL, Woods has pretty hype offense

BRODUS TALKS TOO MUCH but I like it

SOFA SPLASH MISSES

ROLLUP WIN

This feud is actually shaping up nicely

Brodus heel turn is nice too

-Sin Cara vs Alberto Dorito

Sin Cara Sin Cara does whatever a Sin Cara does

Can he botch yes he can

Botches under these stupid lights

Look out here comes Sin Cara

Sin Cara is Dead Long Live Sin Cara

-John Cena Promo

We all know no title means more than the Undisputed Cena Title

-JUSTICE PROMO

Disregard any previous comments

I HABEEB IN THE SHIEL

-6-Man Tag

Goldust/Smoke and Mirrors Mix is awful, there I said it

Oh no, they're giving Big Show a Us Title Shot aren't they. Gross

I was worried about Punk burying the Shield at TLC but it looks like Show is just gonna do that tonight. Wonderful.

HEEL TACTICS ACTIVATE

NOPE

Shield please get it together

Goldust is amazing in ring

Cody has a great moonsault, I hope they let him hit a non-standing one.

Shield back into their signature single one guy out and maul him style

Show was just Tricked

Ambrose with an almost flashing elbow

Goldust's updated moveset is great

Ambrose was just tricked

GORE GORE GORE GORE GORE GORE GORE GORE GORE GORE

ANOTHER ROLLUP ROLLUPS FOR EVERYONE

-Punk Promo Part 2: Electric Bugaloo

I'm not feeling Punk tonight

This was a pretty generic promo

-MORE BAD NEWS BARRET

-Miz and Kofi vs Ryberg and Curtis Axel

Can't say I'm exited about this match

That clothesline from behind was brutal

I can see the hot tag to Kofi coming from miles away

That kick was cool

Curtis Axel please ba*

HOT TAG TIME

RYBACK DOESN'T THINK SO

Ryback and Curtis Axel could be a cool team, big win for them

Here comes more build to Kofi/Miz feud

-Matadores Shilling Me Cyber Monday Deals

Jokes on you I already bought Big Gold earlier today

-FANDANGO vs Mark Henry

THAT'S WHAT I DO

Fandango is about to get his wig split

Mark Henry is too old for your dancing shenanigans Fandango

HAHAHA SEXUAL CHOCLATE

TIME FOR CATCH FINISHER

Or not

DED

-Smackdown Replay

-PTP vs REAL AMERICANS

Makin Moves Makin Moves Makin Million Dalla Moves


Zeb's right I bet Titus O'Neil has one of those weird fetishes

WE THE PEOPLE

These two teams work well together

Titus has also improved a lot

SWAGGIE BOMB/CESARO STOMP

Why would Titus ever try to throw Uppercuts with Cesaro. Thats like trying to stand face to face with the best pure striker in the WWE Tazz.

CESARO SWING

YES YES YES YES YES

Is Titus Droz now?

Darren Young has always been really good in ring he's somehow gotten better

SWISS DEATH

HEY!

-What Will We Call the Champ (besides John Cena)

The WWE universe is wrong aka this rigged poll is wrong

-Contract Signing

: \

I want you all to know I probably would have flipped the channel if I wasn't reviewing RAW. To flip the channel is human, to continue watching divine.

ZZzzzZZZzzZZZz

Oh look a "pier 6 brawl" how unexpected

Does it bother anyone else how John just throws the belts around

-Jerry's Final Thoughts

RAW actually wasn't bad in principle, advanced a whole lot of storylines unlike the past few weeks, lots of people got over

ALL HAIL THE SUPERIOR SIN CARA

MOTN was Rowan vs Daniel Bryan

LOL CENA WINS

-MB