Raw Review 12/30/2013

Hola Otaku-Faithful and welcome to yet another installment of our weekly RAW review. This is the third fifth installment so you guys know the drill, lets get right into it

 

Punk Promo

-PUNKS FIRED UP

-WOW PUNK IS A GUY JUST LIKE ME… EXCEPT RICH… and doing what I wish I could do for a living… this comparison isn’t really holding up anymore



-Yup your year was 2011/2012

-HABEEB IN THA SHEBD

-TIME FOR JUSTICE

-please Dean muh respek for US Title, Why you throw?

-wwe.com where is my WWE Universe Zodiac

-Dean please go we all know Rollins is the best

-CM Punk please stahp muh JUSTICE

-TIME FOR BRAD MADDOX



-BRAD MADDOX KNOWS WHATS UP

CM Punk vs Seth Rollins

-Sweet throwback yellow trunks on Punk



-I hope they keep Shield break up on the slow burn like they’ve been on, commentary makes this sentiment seem unlikely

-Shut Up MAGGEL

-Dean wielding the US Belt MNM Style



-TWITTER TWITTER TWITTER TWITTER TWITTER TWITTER



-Seth Rollins has been having some great matches recently, I hope they push him hard coming out of the Shield

-I’m hoping Rollins just barely pulls out the win so all can remain JUSTICE with the world

-DAT SEQUENCE



-RORRINSU BOMBU

-Shield’s greatest strength is their use of facial expressions its high tier

-CONTINUITY! Rollins finally learns how to dodge that Roundhouse after getting hit with it every night

-Wasn’t a fan of that sell on the clothesline

-All dose facial expressions

-Dat Pack Mentality

-Dat JBL being a two-faced git



-I never got the cross body roll through counter, wouldn’t it still hurt?

-SHIELD PLEASE NO

-SHIELD PLEASE

-This isn’t good guys, who will enforce my JUSTICE without Shield

-;_;

AUTHORITAH and Daniel Bryan Segment

-Brad Maddox making all these PPV tier matches

-I am impressed too Stephanie Mcmahon

-Steph if this is anything other than “The Royal Rumble” you’re wrong, objectively wrong. The main event of The Royal Rumble is The Royal Rumble

Steph Announces The Royal Rumble

-Thank you Dear Leaders of WWE Authority, you have never been wrong and are worth of all praise



-A montage FOR THE KING \__O____/

-THANK YOU BASED RANDALL

-LOOKS LIKE JOHN CENA IS CASHING IN HIS JOHN CENA IN THE BANK FOR ANOTHER TITLE MATCH. WHAT A SURPRISE



-Also, Steph was wrong, Main Event is The Royal Rumble

BNAO BNAO BANANANANANA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH I WERK ALONE

Steph Walking in Hallway

-implying Randy Orton vs John Cena #289387389287329938 is a big announcement

-Time for HHH to GO OVER

Curtis Axel vs Dolph Ziggler

-Curtis Axel please get off my TV until you learn how to cut a promo

-Ziggler please don’t become Kofi 2.0 Mid-card Jobber for life

-PLEASE THIS PROMO IS GOOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING WWE

-INSTAGRAM INSTAGRAM INSTAGRAM INSTAGRAM INSTAGRAM INSTAGRAM

-I don’t have high hopes for this match

-Axel isn’t even that bad in the ring, its just I don’t care at all about him, he has given me no reason to

-RK- errrrrr ZIGZAG OUTTA NOWHERE

-hopefully this is a sign of an upturn for Ziggler

-that was a great match but I wish I had been invested in it

OBLIGATORY WWE APP SEGMENT

-WWE APP WWE APP WWE APP WWE APP WWE APP WWE APP WWE APP

BIG E vs FAAAAAAAAHHHHHNDAAAAAAAAHNNNNNGGOOOOOOOOOH

-Summer Rae please

-This is one of those matches where I would be more hype if I hadn’t already seen it a couple times

-Gosh Dang Big E moves really well for a guy his size



-SUMMER PLEASE STAHP

-OHHHR INDIAN DEATHLOCK, I always loved this move glad to see it being used

-This mat wrestling

-muh obligatory mentioning Anderson Silva’s mangled leg

-THREE AIN’T ENUFF MAN I NEED FIVE

Booker T and PTP

-I feel like this segment may be a little racist

-SPINAROONI!

-BAD NEWS BARRAH

-NO SPINAROONI 4 U

-2deep4me Wade

-2muchtruth4me Wade



-No Spinarooni4me

Sandow and QT3.16 Renee

-Sandow laying down some truth

-SANDOW PLEASE DON’T GO

Sandow vs THE GRAN KHALIL

-Oh god this is gunna be really bad isn’t it

-Why is Khali still employed he’s in such bad shape right now

-VICIOUS SANDOW TIME

-Shut Up Maggel

-Am I bad person for thinking the Miz would have been a better choice than Khali…

-WE STILL HAVE SANDOW!

R-Truth vs THE MAIN EVENT PLAYA

-Eh this seems like filler

-I like how Woods actually pays attention to the match during commentary, Michael and King should take notes

-Monster Brodus should be good

-I think the slower methodical psychology works better for Brodus vs the fast dance-y squashes

-Woods putting Brodus over despite him being a heel, commentary should take notes

-TIME TO DANCE

TRIPLE H ANNOUNCEMENT

-ON YOUR KNEES DOG

-TIME TO WELCOME BACK BATIS-

-I guess this makes sense, Triple H puts bad blood with Orton Aside, he can do it with Bork too

-Its best for business

-PAUL HEYMAN PROMO TIME

-I like that Bork Shirt

-BORK WANT WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

-BORK SMASH FOR WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

-WOAH HEY WOAH HEY

-OH SNAP this is like Godzilla vs King Kong

-IBDS HABBENID

-those screams are terrifying

-F5 WITH THE GREATEST OF EASE

-Well that made all the terrible stuff I just waded through worth it

Divas Match

-Thank goodness that's over

More Authoritah and Brad Maddox

-THANK YOU BASED BRAD

-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Daniel Bryan vs Wyatt Family Gauntlet Match

-Eh I'm not as hype for this match as I should be, should be good though

-DEA-

-This should be a great match as I've said I enjoy big vs little guy match-ups

-THAT CHAIN OF SUBMISSIONS

-YEAHYEAHYEAH

-I like that Gator Roll

-FIGHTING SPIRITUUUU

-NOPE

-Zack Ryder Sign Sighting

-FIGHTING SPIRITU PART 2 ELECTRIC BUGALOO

-YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

-WOAH DAT BOMB

-YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES Lock

-DAT BOOT

-BUSAIKU KNEE KICK

-ROUND 2 START

-Rowan please don't kill the Daniel

-DAT PANCAKE

-LOLROLLUP

-ROUND 3 BRAY WYATT WE COMMIN FO' YOU

-NO LEAVE THE DANIEL TO ME

-Bray's tattoos always make me think he's bleeding

-2SPOOKY4ME

-THAT COWARD BRAY WYATT

-That could have had a cooler finish in my opinion, but I guess its fair considering 3 on 1

-DOUBLE DOOZLE

-2SPOOKY4ME

-I like this promo

-BRYAN PLEASE NO

-NOT THIS WAY

Jerry's Final Thoughts

-Lackluster RAW, I was hoping for more for the last show of the year

-Highlights for me include Punk vs Rollins, The Opening Promo, The Gauntlet Match, Brad Maddox being a scummy brown nose, Bork Laser return/Pterodactyl Calls, and Bad News Barrett

-Low Points just about everything else, Khali vs Sandow Divas match, Brodus vs Truth

-Honorable Mention Axel vs Ziggler was a technically great match but there was no reason to care about it

-Sign of the Night: "I CU 2 Much"

-All in all a very middling RAW you'd be better off watching the RAW Rebound on Smackdown which has been amazing the past few weeks.